The Eclectic Dabbler

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m cut out for life with toddlers. Especially when the toddlers randomly ask questions like, “What is the ‘American dream’?”

How would you explain that (on a three-year-old level)?

So I begin rambling, hoping something I say will make sense to her on some level and hoping that whatever makes sense to her actually relates to the American Dream.

“Well, first of all, in America you get to choose. You can decide if you want to be a doctor . . .  or a trashman . . . or work on computers . . .” I’m trying to think of professions she can relate to here.

“In some countries you don’t get to choose,” I told her. “They just tell you what you’re going to be. They will say, ‘Mara, you’re going to be a trashman.’” I was hoping that was not the profession she had in mind. “But!–in America, you get to choose. . . ”

Although that was not the end of my American Dream explanation, I stopped, because all of sudden, her whole face lit up.

I thought for sure she had decided to be a princess–or Emily Elizabeth–or Tosta or Donna Eiseland (her imaginary sisters).

But she surprised me: “I get to choose being a mother!” she exclaimed. “I just . . . want to be a mother.”

My heart melted. I wanted to capture for all time this memory: the softness of her sparkling eyes at that moment, her voice full of meaning, and her smile–the sweetest smile. Ever.

I was about to cry, but I held the tears back. (She’s asked me to explain the “happy tears” concept before too.–She doesn’t get it.)

So I just kissed her on the forehead and said, “You made my day, Mara!”

Then she exclaimed again, “Tomorrow I’m going to make Daddy’s day if I tell him that I want to be a mother. I would just LOVE to be a mother! . . . Annnd if you choose to be a trashman? that will make MY day! . . . ” This left me wondering what on earth she thought of my mothering skills, until she changed her mind: “I would like Micah to be the trashman. Micah, do you choose to be a trashman?”

Thankfully he didn’t. He just stared at her blankly, and characteristicly Mara continued, “I would love to be a food-er mom!”

“What’s a food-er mom?” I asked.

“Youuuu know! I would give us food.” She looked a little sheepish because I was laughing. “I would serve us food for dinner! I would be a server-mom!” she kept trying to explain.

By this point I was laughing pretty hard.

————

“I get to choose being a mother! I just want to be a mother.”

Me too, sweetheart. Me too.

And in that moment, I realized–I’m living my American Dream.

Friday was such an encouraging day for me!

My mother-in-law came over to watch the children around 8:30 and she ended up staying all day. She is super-busy with piano teaching and her other jobs, so it meant a lot to me that she gave so much of her time for us today. She always says that she wants to do it (and I know she does!), but I also know what a sacrifice it can be to give your time when the schedule is very full.

In addition to feeding, playing with and reading to the children, my mother-in-law cleaned up the kitchen, did our laundry, made a chicken-and-pasta casserole for dinner with the leftover chicken we had, vacuumed the dog hair off the basement steps, and completely washed the kids’ high chair and booster seat (which any mom knows can become filthy really fast when you’re not wiping them down all the time!).

Another friend, Jessica, had offered to come over and help with cleaning in the afternoon. Jessica and I aren’t super-close–in fact, she’s never been to our house before–so I’ll admit feeling a little awkward having someone I didn’t know all that well over and asking them to clean my bathroom!

My mother-in-law suggested I give her a list of things that need to be done, and tell her she could just pick which things she would like to do or prefer to do, and let her know whatever she chooses is fine.

So I made my list:

Jessica was here from 12:30 – 3:00, and WOW, she was a hard worker! I don’t know if you can tell by looking at this picture, but every single item is checked off the list! She was amazing! I really had no expectations of the entire list being completed. I thought if she gets the bathroom cleaned, or a couple floors swept and mopped, that would be great. But what a surprise!

I can’t tell you how exciting it was to have all clean laundry. Or to look under the piano bench and see freshly-mopped hardwoods, rather than dog hair. To have a clean bathtub for the kids’ Saturday baths! To look out the living room window from my bedrest couch, and see–not the window with its fingerprints and Micah’s tongue-prints from his hours of snow-watching–but instead to look merely through the window and see the blue sky and this morning’s fresh snow blanketing the houses across the street!

One of the biggest challenges on bedrest is to be content with just the basics getting done–childcare, food, laundry–knowing all the while, that when it’s all over, you’ll be picking up all the pieces yourself, while you adjust to a new baby.

I have two reasons for posting this today:

First, I’m so grateful to Christ for His body of believers that surrounds us in our times of need. For people who are the “hands of Christ” to someone (me) who can’t even clean her house or do her own laundry–even though, trust me, I would prefer to do it myself! Thank you, God! and thank you, family and friends!

Second, I just want to encourage any readers out there: Do you know someone on bedrest? or for that matter, anyone needing help for a variety of reasons (maybe an older person, maybe someone recovering from surgery, maybe a mom whose husband is deployed overseas, or someone caring for a family member in the hospital)? Don’t underestimate the blessing you can be, by offering to bring a meal, do a load of laundry, wash the bathtub, or wipe a window clean.

Around this time of year, moms are talking about costumes and how to find what you’re looking for and still save money.

During my first three years as a mom, I have taken a different route every year as far as finding costumes, but I try to strike the balance of finding costumes I really like–while not spending a ton of money. Here are a few options I have tried:

Make your own! The first year Mara was only ten months old. I really wanted her to have a soft, baby-girl costume–I didn’t really want her to be a funky animal or some sort of hotdog with mustard, you know? And the pumpkin idea is cute, but since she had no hair, we were constantly answering the “he?-or-a-she?” question about our baby girl, and I didn’t want to look back at pumpkin baby pictures some 20 years later and say ‘was this our son or our daughter?’

I found the perfect costume in Pottery Barn Kids magazine (I included the PBK picture here)! Naturally it was $59 before tax and shipping & handling. (How is it that I have such impeccable yet unaffordable taste?!) I’m sure some people pay that much for a Halloween costume, but for us it was not an option. I don’t pay that much for my own clothes, let alone a costume a kid is going to wear once or twice!

Still I loved that costume so much that, after seeing it, no other costume seemed to even compare. Friends would find me “flower” costumes other places. None of them were quite right. So I decided to make it myself.

In the end, I spent more than I’d hoped (probably close to $20) because I had to buy several kinds of fabrics (3 kinds of fleece and lining fabric for the hood), a zipper, velcro, elastic, gingham trim, thread, and embroidery floss for the flower designs on the sleeves and the bottom of the costume. If sewing were a more regular activity in my life, I’m sure I would have had most of the supplies (other than fabric) on hand. But I was very happy with the end result.

It wasn’t the Pottery Barn costume, but I felt my daughter was beautiful in the flower I had created.

Buy on Clearance after Halloween for Next Halloween! The second year I actually found the costumes on clearance in February. They were skunk costumes–of all things–but they were 99 cents each, at The Children’s Place. I was pregnant at the time, and didn’t know yet if Micah would be a girl or a boy, but I figured it would work either way. The kids could be the “Lil’ Stinkers.”After all, the experience of having two kids 17 months apart is better reflected in the ‘lil stinkers’ idea than a beautiful flower in a garden!

My husband was mortified that I would do this to our children (I said they were still young enough that it was cute!), but it was with great reluctance that he joined the Lil’ Stinkers and me for Boo at the Zoo. (And, no, my daughter isn’t running from the camera–she’s chasing geese at the zoo–and I’m showing off the back of the 99-cent costume!)

I figured it showed that we didn’t take ourselves too seriously. I mean, come on! Is there any costume that is really “classy”? Is it classy to be a monkey? or a pirate? or a skeleton? or a witch? These are costumes!

With moving twice, being on bedrest, and having a preemie in the NICU, there was no time for sewing costumes of my choice that year. I would make the same decision again in a heartbeat. Plus their costumes cost $1.98 total! You could hardly even make something at home that inexpensively–or find it at a thrift store or a consignment sale. I’m going to try to consign them next year for a dollar or maybe two and make my money back. Then I will feel fully vindicated on the whole skunk costume issue.

Buy Costumes on eBay a Month Ahead of Time. This year, my third year, I couldn’t decide for the longest time. I wanted my husband to be happy, so I decided to get the kids something a little nicer (which is not saying much since I spent only $1.98 the year before!). That’s another story, because when I told him, he said he thought all costumes were kind of tacky and pointless . . . which was my whole point last year . . . but . . . as I was saying . . .

I checked eBay for Old Navy costumes and found Mara the kitty costume (new with tags) for $3.50 + shipping. For Micah the lion costume (excellent used condition) for $5.99 + shipping. Total I spent less than $20. Each costume individually costs more than $20 if you buy them directly from Old Navy or Old Navy.com this year. (These costume pictures are just the pictures from eBay. Hopefully after this weekend, I will have some pictures of my kids in these costumes!)

The trick with buying costumes on eBay is to start bidding in mid- to late-September or very very early October. There is usually a decent selection at that point, and if you’re willing to bid on several auctions (and lose), you will probably be able to find what you’re looking for at a reasonable price. (Those Pottery Barn costumes are always expensive though. I’ve seen sold-out PBK costumes go for $150+ on eBay during the middle of October, so if you know what you’re doing, there is probably some money to be made there!)

Now that we know our next baby is a girl, I already found her costume for next Halloween at The Children’s Place on clearance. It was $3.99 (not quite 99 cents).

It’s not a skunk.

But she will be so stinkin’ cute!!!

And Daddy will love it.

That’s all I’m saying about it now. (I have to save a little surprise for next year!)

Well, several options Work for Me as far as finding Halloween costumes and saving money . . . Find more Frugal Tips at Life as Mom.

Micah had his 15-month checkup on Monday. He’s now 22 lbs., 10 ozs.–still in the 25th percentile for weight. Of course his head is still in the 95+ percentile, as always. Even in his final prenatal ultrasound, his head was measuring at 33 weeks, when his body was measuring 31 weeks. His head has always been disproportionately large.

But the news of the day is that he’s finally starting to catch up to the average in height! He’s now 31 inches tall, around the 45th percentile!

The pediatrician confirmed what we thought about his speech.  Basically, he had three questions:

1) Is he “babbling”? Oh, yes!

2) Are you concerned about potential hearing problems?  No.

3) Is he comprehending basic instructions or basic thoughts you say to him? Yes. (See Micah at 15 months – Part 1.)

If he is still not talking by age 2, the pediatrician would recommend a hearing test. If all is well with his hearing, our pediatrician would wait until age 3 before pursuing speech therapy. Boys tend to talk later than girls, and the main issues of concern at this age are hearing and comprehension. Talk to him. Read to him. Insist that he “ask” for things, rather than just giving him whatever he wants to be happy. Give him a chance to talk back.

On a somewhat-related note, Micah is still shy as ever. One story from this weekend’s retreat illustrates this quite well. I will say: This story will be the funniest to those who know both Randy (from church) and our little Micah–unfortunately, that’s only one or two of my readers–but I was laughing soo hard!

My shy little Micah was walking around the main room downstairs after breakfast on Sunday. I was still eating, but sitting only about four feet away from Micah. He walked toward the seat where Randy was sitting, and Randy said an enthusiastic “HI!” to Micah, who stood frozen, staring at Randy.

Micah’s lips puckered and then, after a long moment, began quivering. Half-jokingly, I guess, Randy then said, “I come in peace!”

I knew what would happen next.

Micah began weeping–sobbing, as if he were half-terrified and half-heartbroken.

Randy just looked at him and said, “You should really watch more Star Trek.”

I was dying laughing. I walked over to comfort my shy little Micah-man, who still stood there frozen in fright.

Someday. . . someday, he will grow out of this!!!

But I had a realization last week . . .

This was my little Micah, one year ago today.

One year ago today, he came off the AB monitor! And when I look at his life over the past few months, my heart is truly filled with gratitude to the Lord.

Here’s my little man this week!

How far he has come in one year! How different this summer has been than the last! How wonderful to have such simple concerns about our little guy, like “Will his head always be this much bigger than his body?” and “When will he learn to talk?”

Tonight I stumbled across Kaleigh Freeman’s website. . . A beautiful baby girl born June 23, 2008–just 19 days after Micah–weighing only 1 lb. 1 oz. Kaleigh had numerous surgeries and passed away following the surgery that was supposed to be the “final” surgery before she came home. Her parents’ blog chronicles her 11 months of life and their fight for joy in God in the midst of the struggles. Kaleigh didn’t make it to her first birthday, let alone 15 months . . . yes, I cried a lot reading this . . . Daniel keeps telling me I shouldn’t read about other preemies now that I’m pregnant again . . .

But all that to say, I was overwhelmed while reading Kaleigh’s story, with a sense of how gracious God was in allowing Micah to remain in the womb for 32 weeks. Overwhelmed with a sense of how undeserving we are to have the baby that spent only 23 days in the NICU, rather than his entire 11 months. Just overwhelmed by the frailty of life for all of us, and once again, I found a renewed sense of thanksgiving to God for life and breath . . . and for the privilege of caring for perfectly healthy 15-month-old Micah!

Thank you, God.

Somehow it feels trite to blog about my kids on September 11. And yet, on the other hand, to not blog as usual feels like handing our enemies some sort of victory.

But the truth is that our country–and the world–as we knew it changed forever that day. I want to always always remember. I never want to come away unaffected or callous to the war that still rages . . .

So I take a moment to remember . . .

• Those who died in the North Tower of the World Trade Center and American Airlines Flight 11.

• Those who died in the South Tower and United Airlines Flight 175.

• Those who died on board American Airlines Flight 77 and at the Pentagon.

• Those heroes of United Airlines Flight 93.

• The firefighters, policemen, and other workers who gave their lives in the rescue efforts

• And to all those who live today having lost loved ones . . .

. . . we will never forget.